How to Heal From a Narcissistic Relationship

Leaving any type of toxic relationship is painful. You may have days where you miss the other person, doubt yourself or feel ashamed about what happened. However, ending a narcissistic relationship is particularly difficult because of how much control your abuser tries to have. And once you do leave, healing may seem like a distant possibility. However, with a holistic trauma treatment program, you can learn how to heal from narcissistic abuse and connect with yourself again. 

What Is Narcissistic Abuse?

Narcissistic abuse is any type of abuse by a person with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or someone who has narcissistic behaviors. It’s most commonly emotional and mental abuse, however, it can also be physical, sexual or financial. 

The narcissistic abuse cycle is about control. Narcissists want to have all of the power in the relationship and use manipulation and deception to achieve that. Their needs are the most important, and your needs are a threat to them. They might need constant praise, or for you to shrink yourself to make them feel bigger. And because narcissists rarely feel regret for hurting others, many say cruel things and specifically target your deepest insecurities. 

Some additional signs of narcissistic abuse are:

• Gaslighting, or when the abuser makes you question your sanity
• Isolating you from other loved ones
• Silent treatment
• Name-calling
• Intense swings between affection and cruelty
• Stonewalling, or refusing to communicate
• Love bombing, in which they use excessive affection to overwhelm you

Because narcissists excel at manipulation, you may not even realize the full scope of their abusive behaviors. And narcissists often portray themselves as the victim, while presenting you as unstable and emotionally volatile. That’s why it’s so important to learn both how to identify narcissistic abuse signs and the long-lasting effects it has on your life.   

How to Recover From a Narcissist 

Having a relationship of any nature with a narcissist is unsettling. You never know where you stand with them or what they might do to you. While distancing yourself from the person is a crucial step toward healing, there are many long-term effects to navigate in recovering from a narcissistic relationship. The following narcissist recovery tips may help you heal and reconnect with yourself:

1. Label the Abuse

Recognizing abuse can be challenging, but identifying what happened and legitimizing your experience can help maintain objectivity. Remember that abusers can go from extremely cruel to incredibly charming in an instant. While they may present themselves as kind or compassionate in public, severe jealousy, controlling behavior, intense blaming and humiliation are all forms of abuse and should be labeled as such.

2. Set and Keep Boundaries

The first priority as you leave a narcissistic relationship is creating an environment where you are able to focus on healing. To do that, it’s important to set clear boundaries and be consistent in enforcing them. You don’t need to explain why you’re setting them or negotiate what they are. They’re your boundaries, not theirs. 

Narcissists are not usually receptive to other people’s boundaries, so this might be a more difficult task. However, boundaries are for your well-being, so even if they don’t like them, you should follow your own. For example, you might set a boundary about communicating only through text messages and not phone calls. If they call you, they’re crossing your boundary. But it’s up to you to not answer. 

3. Find a Safe Space 

Once you recognize narcissistic abuse in a relationship, the next step is leaving. But many narcissists make it very hard to leave them. After all, they want total control of you, so any threat to that is alarming to them. This can be a dangerous situation, so it’s important to have a safe place to go. If you don’t, some local organizations that provide support for survivors of abuse may be able to help you. 

Once you’ve found a safe living situation, consider the following tips to give yourself time and space to heal.  

4. Go No-Contact if Possible

You get to decide what you’re comfortable with when setting boundaries. However, one of the most potentially helpful ones is a no-contact rule. This means you will not speak in any way — in person, over the phone or through any technology. You can block their number and all social media platforms. It may feel drastic at first, but it will give you time to heal without them trying to convince you of a different narrative. 

It’s common for narcissists to try to regain control after a separation. They might try to draw you back with false promises and apologies. That’s why removing all opportunities for communication is so important. You won’t have to tell yourself that you’re doing the right thing every time they try to persuade you to reconnect with them. 

However, some people cannot go no-contact because of legal, financial or familial ties. For example, if you share a house, are legally married or have children together, you will have to continue to communicate with them to arrange the handling of those situations. If you have a lawyer, direct all communication through them to avoid directly having to speak with them.  

5. Protect Yourself on Social Media

In today’s digital world, virtual stalking and abuse are growing problems. If you haven’t already, make sure you unfollow and block the narcissist on all platforms. Make your profiles private, and be cautious with how you share your personal information. 

6. Practice Self-Care

If you are able to remove the narcissistic person from your life, start healing by focusing on yourself. This is a vulnerable time. And it’s common to feel sad, insecure or anxious. It’s important to practice self-care and self-compassion while healing from narcissistic abuse so you can connect with yourself in a more positive way. Also during this time, you can find support from other loved ones.

When you have a relationship with a narcissist, you spend all of your time and energy on meeting their needs. So now that you’re free of that control, you get to prioritize what you need to feel better. It’s good to address all of the aspects of well-being. 

You can improve your physical health by getting enough sleep, eating balanced meals and being physically active throughout the day. Meanwhile, meditating, avoiding unnecessary stress and doing things you enjoy help you feel better mentally. Additionally, reconnecting with loved ones, spiritual practices and old hobbies strengthens your spirit. 

7. Create a Consistent Schedule

Routine is an important part of a healthy lifestyle, and it can support your emotional well-being as you heal. A sense of predictability can help you stay focused when life feels out of control. Commit to a schedule that you can follow daily or weekly. It’s alright if you don’t follow it perfectly — just having a template in mind can give you peace of mind when you need to recenter.

8. Be Patient With Yourself

You’ve gone through a lot, so be kind to yourself as you navigate recovery. That might look like giving yourself the grace to grieve the relationship, reminding yourself how far you’ve come or even rewarding yourself at certain milestones. 

Especially after narcissistic abuse, it’s common for people to blame themselves because of how their abuser purposely tried to make them feel worse about themselves. But the abuse is not your fault. And their words are not reality. You are worthy of healing and self-love. 

9. Anticipate Grief

Any loss, even positive, can trigger distress. Many people experience immense grief after ending a traumatic or toxic relationship. This grief can feel complicated, where you feel numb or detached, find it difficult to trust others, constantly think about your abuser or have trouble engaging in your everyday routine. Keep in mind that these symptoms are common and they’ll often dissipate as you move through the healing process.

10. Express Your Emotions

As you begin your healing journey from narcissistic abuse, your emotions may be overwhelming. It’s important not to suppress or bottle them up. Instead, acknowledge and express them. If you aren’t sure how to talk about your emotions directly, you might try creative avenues like journaling, artwork or music.

11. Lean on Loved Ones

Even though your narcissistic relationship may have taught you that your needs aren’t important to loved ones, that’s not the truth. The people who love you care about how you’re feeling and want to help you heal. You deserve to have other people take care of you as you build yourself back up. 

It’s also common to feel isolated after leaving an abusive relationship because many abusers separate you from other people for more control. If you’re feeling disconnected from the world, reach out to old friends to reconnect and ask for help. There are also local support groups for other people who have survived narcissistic abuse. They’ll understand what you’re healing from and can be a great avenue for support and comfort. 

12. Avoid Retaliation

Even if your abuser makes efforts to harm you after ending the relationship, resist the urge to retaliate. In many ways, that’s how they want you to respond, as engaging fuels chaos and drama. If possible, focus on remaining as neutral as possible to avoid their tactics. If you need to vent, share your concerns with someone who has no ties with the narcissist. That way, there’s no way for your words to get back to your abuser, which can worsen the situation.

13. Rediscover Yourself

Many people experience a loss of identity in narcissistic relationships. Once they’ve recognized the abuse and found a way out, they might not know who they are or what they like anymore. If this sounds like you, try to focus on the benefits of getting to rediscover yourself. Explore new passions and hobbies. Try writing a bucket list to spark creativity, writing at least three activities you want to try in the next month. 

In this time of rediscovering yourself, resist the temptation to distract yourself with a new partner. Take time to process what happened and find yourself again. Many people are in a vulnerable state after a toxic relationship and may attract another abusive partner. Instead, focus on building a healthy relationship with yourself, exploring passions and reconnecting with people who love and support you.

14. Create New Rituals

Certain rituals you had with your abuser can trigger sadness, anger or a sense of longing. For instance, maybe you went to the same restaurant for dinner every Friday or spent Christmas visiting their family. Try to anticipate these moments and find ways to create new rituals for the future. 

15. Trust Your Instincts

There may be times when you doubt your feelings or find it challenging to separate yourself from the narcissist. However, it’s critical to trust your intuition during recovery, especially because narcissists tend to shift blame and gaslight. Be patient with yourself and avoid feelings of shame when recalling painful memories.

Make a mental note at any moment you question your instincts, as they may be influenced by stories created by your narcissistic partner. Overcome negative feelings by remembering how you’ve grown, learned and bravely made it out of the situation.

17. Seek Professional Help

Many times, people need professional treatment to fully heal and move on from a narcissistic relationship. Narcissistic abuse is traumatic, so many people even develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in response. 

For some people, therapy once a week is sufficient. However, a residential trauma treatment program provides a more robust structure to support you in healing from narcissistic abuse. Plus, if you’re also dealing with unhealthy coping behaviors like addiction, finding a trauma-informed treatment center will help you recover from everything. 

In order to resolve your trauma, you’ll move through a four-part process:

• Shed old beliefs that are holding you back
• Identify unresolved parts of your past and change the way you think about them
• Envision a new life unburdened by your trauma, where you live your true purpose
• Implement these changes and start living your vision

We don’t just try to manage your symptoms. Instead, we’re here to empower you to free yourself from your past. To do this, we use our holistic approach to address all aspects of your well-being. Some of the therapy methods we use are:

• Somatic experiencing therapy: Helps you release your trauma physically.
• Energy medicine: This can include acupuncture or reiki, to unlock your energy flow.
• Individual and group psychotherapy: Where you’ll learn new coping strategies.
• Mindfulness meditation: Allows you to focus on the present.

Start Your Journey to Healing at The Sanctuary at Sedona

Getting out of a narcissistic relationship takes immense emotional strength and courage. While you’ve taken a huge first step, focusing on your recovery can help you regain your sense of self and rebuild your emotional well-being. At The Sanctuary at Sedona, we can assist in narcissist recovery through an integrative and holistic approach. 

You’ll work with our team to find the therapies that help you in your narcissist abuse recovery journey and integrate them into your daily schedule. And you’ll do all of this in the comfort and safety of our tranquil Sedona campus. Here, clients become family, ready to support each other in their unique healing journey. As one past client explained: 

“I was cared for, supported, and understood. I am leaving feeling like I have found myself.” 

Contact us today to find out how to recover from narcissistic abuse so you can reconnect with yourself and your purpose, free from the trauma and effects of narcissistic abuse.